What turns me on
I think my biggest turn-on is controlled. Ever since I was young and first realising about sex the concept of being controlled has been part of it.
I remember reading a book where the heroine was lashed to a wheel by slavers and the wheel would rotate around and she would be underwater before being allowed up gasping for air, dripping and humiliated. How the author wrote of her desperate struggles and the harsh unyielding ropes binding her as she thrashed.
It did not take me long to understand I wanted to be her.
That is why ever since I have tried to make that happen to meet Dominants that can take me there; powerless, helpless and abused. To be that wet and dripping, panting mess. Exhausted and used.
I still crave it. Being placed in bondage excites me beyond belief and watching bondages is almost as good but nothing beats being helplessly roped up; though as I have grown in kink I have been taught predicaments of bondage – tied up with stimulation but suffering to earn it by taking more pain…
Lessing, the pain means no stimulation… predicaments… choices like experiments by our sadistic dominants for pleasure. Of course, that only adds to the arousal, knowing your suffering is arousing and or amusing your tormentor makes you take more… them always pushing you, pressing your weakness and taking you further down the rabbit hole.
Again I learned that the more I am used the more I want it and really that’s when I discovered I was a slut. More cock? Yes please… mouth or ass? Breasts, pussy? Yes yes yes… anything! Once I am in that space I am lost. I could not stop myself even if I could form a coherent thought.
Sometimes I think I could just bathe in cum for hours, male, female, whatever… just covered in sticky wetness with the scent of it surrounding me seems like the most wonderful thing in the world.
Actually, my humming didn’t really enter into those thoughts. Do I like orgasms oh yes! But do I need one, no? That was a surprise that so much of my pleasure is derived from satisfying others. Hearing someone orgasm from fucking you, now that is better than my orgasm for sure.
Another predicament. Another no-win choice. I think I like those it seems.
Again it is the control; I love full, plump breasts for example, how mesmerising they are watching them heave and swell, love the teasing touch of a hard nipple…. So sexy… simple and yet so evocative. A weakness, some might say but I cannot help it.
One of my favourite scenes I have participated in has been locked in chastity, laid down on a bed in cuffs, then my dominant produces a dildo gag… yep… just for me.
She then spends the next hour or so fucking herself silly on my face…. How I squirmed in pain and sheer horniness! I was left on the bed head covered in cum whilst she showered and had lunch. I can still smell the cum in my dreams. I never did get to taste any and that cage was quite a painful fit sometime after she left!
It is the mental aspects of this dynamic that are the most erotic. Having your head messed with is the biggest turn-on. Once someone is in your head you really have surrendered power. Oh wow, it is spine-tingling and cock twitches even thinking of it.
I discovered the humiliation aspects of domination by accident, only when it was happening to realise I had a huge sexual response. Humiliation is power ripped from you and taken without mercy (save for your own boundaries, where all of that cuts too deep and leaves scars).
Once I had discovered Chastity, humiliation came with it; cuckolding scenes where there is no hope of ever getting an orgasmic release.
I watch those all the time and even more when interacting in a real-life scene. Seeing how powerless you are when others are enjoying what you can never have and knowing they enjoy watching you squirm.
I guess my tastes have evolved too over the years as I’ve grown as a slut and slave; pushing myself further and deeper. I was surprised when watching breath play scenes and how much it turned me on… seeing a struggling TV or sissy being ‘bagged’ as they call it whilst struggling in bondage makes me weak with need. I am back again wanting to be them.
I love the idea of being kidnapped, though sadly have never had the funds or opportunity to try it. The times I have come closest, such as Mistress taking me prisoner overnight have been some of the most memorable events in my life. The things I turn to the most looking back when I am horny and alone… such powerful emotions and arousal.
I have so many desires and thoughts around that it is scary!
Since I have turned to embrace my inner slut and femininity I have been trying sissy hypnosis which is truly a mind fuck. I love the idea of someone really messing with your head and taking control and listening to those in a forced setting just drives me crazy… helps me go deeper and deeper.
Speaking of deeper, I am picking up on my anal training so I can take bigger and deeper toys inside me. I keep seeing other trans gurls on chaturbate and god can they take good cock I maybe want to be like them a little bit? Imagine being whored out like that? On display for all to see.
Maybe even one day be used like that for real. Now that would be a dream come true in the right setting. Then I could be used, covered in cum, lying spent and exhausted on the floor. Then I would be truly fulfilled in my goal to be controlled and used and make my dominant happy.
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