D/s Lifestyle – Everything You Need to Know About It!
What is BDSM, and why is it called a D/s relationship? You have probably heard of this practice before, but how well are you informed on the matter? Many people have many prejudices when it comes to BDSM and they think it is a very unhealthy practice.
This is far from the truth, but if you want to try it yourself, you do need to read a lot about it. Hear about the experiences of others, read articles, and books, watch movies about it… It is a very complex topic. In this article, we will try to explain the D/s lifestyle to you.
First of all, D is for the Dominant, and s is for the submissive lover in this type of relationship. Dominant lovers are also called Dommes, and they are active and aggressive.
They are the lovers that control everything that happens in the relationship. Submissives or subs are the passive counterparts. Obedient, compliant, and meek. When you agree to be someone’s sub, you also say yes to becoming their property and possibly a sex slave. Their pet, their princess/prince, their kitten, or somebody they own. The nicknames may differ, but the rules are mostly the same. The s is for the lover that complies and the D is for the controlling lover.
A BDSM agreement can be less or more extreme. It can come with a few or many rules. There are many layers of this type of relationship and everyone focuses on the different things they want from it. Some subs want to learn how to be disciplined, and they are willing to endure pain and torture, even humiliation just to get that lesson. But not all BDSM acts have to be extreme. Some just like spanking and a bit weirder sex toys. You can check out our domination phone sex lines here
What Is Involved in The BDSM Practice?
BDSM is a complex practice, and it involves a lot of things. You can limit yourself to only using certain sex toys and you can still say you practice BDSM but it can be much kinkier than that. BDSM also includes role-play, safe words, consent, safe and risk-aware acts, certain devices… For instance, if you are into role-playing, there are so many roles for you and your Domme or sub. You can try the kidnapper-victim dynamic, owner-pet, law enforcement-prisoner, or royal-commoner. These are just some of the suggestions. Of course, the Domme is always the kidnapper, owner, law enforcement, and royal. View and chat with the Mistresses on the mistress phone chat page
Consent and safe words are crucial in this practice. Without consent and safe words, it is not a healthy BDSM relationship and what BDSM should look like. Before you even sign the contract with your Domme, you have to find someone who will encourage you to use your safe words whenever you feel like it. Safewords are for situations that are too unpleasant for you to handle. When your Domme does something that makes you feel uncomfortable and too bad, you should always use them. Every D/s couple has different safe words, and some use fruit names.
When you practice more extreme BDSM, you probably want to try risk-aware acts and kinks that may be dangerous. BDSM can be very painful to subs because they agree to all sorts of punishments. This includes both physical and psychological torture. Your Domme can hurt you with certain toys and devices, they can call you bad names, humiliate you, tie you up and bind you, use hot wax, put you in a cage, and make you do a variety of things that are not very enjoyable and more. This is for the kinkiest BDSM lovers. View our submissive training here
Let’s start with BDSM itself. This is a practice of physical control and psychological power, and in most cases, it includes pain. When two people have a D/s relationship, one of them is Dominant and the other one is submissive. But there is male and female Dominance, as well as male and female submission. Both men and women can be Dominant, or submissive. There are Dommes and Dominas. Women can do everything men can do in a BDSM relationship, from torturing their subs physically to torturing them psychologically. BDSM always includes bondage and discipline, and the point of this type of agreement is to learn how to be more disciplined.
You may have heard these terms as well – top and bottom, which are the Dominant and submissive lovers. The bottom follows the orders that the top gives. BDSM sex can take place at a club or in someone’s house, and in both cases, it is called a dungeon. Fetish is an obsession with a particular experience. Every BDSM act is called play and we have play parties, where all guests can engage in any BDSM act. If you want to mingle with other BDSM people, you can Google where the next munch is. check here for BDSM Ideas
You also have sadism and masochism, and sadists are those who get turned on by inflicting pain. Masochists are their counterparts, and feeling pain is what arouses them. Have you heard of vanilla sex? That is the opposite of BDSM. Vanilla includes only the basic acts, and nothing about it is kinky. When you practice BDSM, you will also know what a drop is. If you are feeling it, it means you are exhausted. Physically or emotionally, and it often happens after BDSM treatment. Both tops and bottoms can experience it and they can start crying after sex.
What Are BDSM Protocols and Why Are They Important?
Maybe you will not find too many articles about BDSM protocols on the web. But it is a very important topic and everyone who wants to start practising BDSM should be familiar with it. The first thing to know about these protocols is that they are not the same in every D/s relationship. Also, some Dommes will want to focus more on respecting the protocols, while others will not be too obsessed with them. But these are sets of rules or a code of behaviour that every sub must respect if they want to do it right.
These rules serve to remind subs what their positions in these relationships are. They control the needs and desires of subs, and of Dommes as well. Before a BDSM relationship starts, these requirements need to be established. The two lovers, both active and passive, have to negotiate with them to choose their own set of rules and all the things they are willing to try. Some couples will only focus on body protocols, or maybe decision-making ones. When a D/s relationship is more complex, there are more to follow. But literally, everything can be included, even things like how you speak to your lover, where you stand when you are with them in the same room, etc.
For example, let’s just mention a few body protocol examples. One of them can be that a sub must not masturbate until their Domme allows it. But this can be applied to everything the sub does. What sex toys to use and when? Send nudes or not send them and when? These are all the things you negotiate with your lover and you choose what orders are acceptable in this relationship. An example of a decision-making protocol is following orders on where to buy lingerie and toys.
BDSM Rules – Some Examples
Once you finish negotiating, you can start setting rules. If you have already agreed to the protocols and accepted the terms and conditions of the contract, it is time to see what acts and kinks are waiting for you now in this relationship. Now, these rules are also different for every D/s couple. The couples that are more extreme will have rules that are like that. They will go further and try kinkier things. It may be more painful, and more forceful, and it can mean even less free will for the sub.
But let’s see what some common rules are. Many Dommes like their subs to call them masters, royalty, owners… We mostly hear Master or Mistress, especially when we watch porn. This is one of the rules – always using proper honorifics and titles. Rules can also be to always groom and clean yourself for your Master or Mistress. Some Dommes want you to only buy food and clothes they allow, and that is one of the more common rules. One of the rules can be to let your Domme delay or ruin your orgasms completely.
If rules are more extreme, as a sub, you may have to kneel before your Domme. Many subs wear collars or symbols that show that someone owns them. A small number of Dommes have only a few rules, and they are very simple and enjoyable even – they like to smile and always have fun. Dommes that are more professional and experienced in this make contracts with hundreds of rules. They have big lists of needs and you have to follow all these rules, not just some of them. But it is always better to have fewer rules so that subs can remember them easily. However, some subs do like too many rules!
It Is All About Learning Discipline
Why do people even agree to be submissive? How come there are so many men and women that are okay with being called slaves? And why is BDSM becoming so popular? Here is what you need to know. The point of BDSM is to teach and learn discipline. Some people accept being controlled, and they lose their own free will for a certain period of time just to learn how to be better, more modest, more open-minded, less loud, less demanding and more controlling.
Everyone tries BDSM for their own reason. As long as you realize that you can learn a lot from this experience, and are open to acquiring new traits and attitudes, it can be a very fun process for both you and your lover. So, what is the discipline in a BDSM relationship? Every sub signs this type of contract knowing that at one point, they will have to be punished. This is what Dommes do. Subs get their punishment whenever they misbehave. Now, many of them will do it on purpose for the thrill of it. The punishment is what gets them going.
There are also subs that really try hard to be ever-obedient. But sometimes even they make mistakes and they have to be disciplined. Dommes then use a variety of tools or behave in certain ways to punish them. It is also a process of learning about consequences. What happens when you misbehave and violate the terms of the agreement we made together? You have to suffer so that in the future, you do not make the same mistakes. But do not worry – subs get to choose their own ways of punishment if they want to. It is only prejudiced that only Dommes choose how to punish them. More at Uk Mistress phone chat
Punishment – Choosing What Thrills You the Most
So far, you have probably realized that BDSM is very diverse and every D/s couple does things their own way. Even punishment is never the same. How do Dommes punish their subs? Sometimes they spank them, deny their orgasms, force them to remain silent for a longer period of time, walk them like a puppy, chain them, cuckold them… The truth is that people get very creative when they want to torture someone. But even when you have to be punished, you can always use your safe word in a BDSM relationship.
And nothing will happen to you if you do not want it to happen. You do not have to be spanked or spank your lover, walk them like a puppy, or be treated like one… The biggest prejudice of BDSM is that subs always suffer and they never have free will. That they are sick and have no self-respect. That is wrong. Subs just want to learn, and Dommes are here to teach. It is mutual, exciting, creative, and can be so unpredictable! But there is a reason why so many people try it.